This Momentary Marriage - Week 9

Notes from the last two chapters (14 & 15) of John Piper's This Momentary Marriage:

• Chapter 14: What God Has Joined Together, Let Not Man Separate: The Gospel and the Radical New Obedience
  • Scripture – Mark 10:1-13
  • Questions
    • Has this book given you a more serious or profound view of marriage?
    • Do you ever hear people ask if divorce is legal? Or good? Or right?
    • What did Moses write (in Genesis through Deuteronomy) about divorce? About marriage?
  • Notes & Quotes
    • Bonhoeffer: “God joins you together in marriage; it is his act, not yours.” (quoted on p. 156)
    • Divorce is more painful than the death of a spouse
    • “Death is usually clean pain. Divorce is usually unclean pain. In other words, the enormous loss of a spouse in death is compounded in divorce by the ugliness of sin and moral outrage at being so wronged.” (p. 158)
    • The effects of divorce ripple to all facets of life – work, family, friends, children, finances
    • Two ways to respond in love & care to divorce:
      • 1) Come alongside & stand by the divorced person & help them find their way to enjoy forgiveness & new obedience in Christ
      • 2) Articulate a hatred of divorce & do all we can to prevent it
      • These two ways both need to happen
    • “One of the reasons that I have emphasized the ultimate meaning of marriage so much in these chapters is that the meaning of marriage is such that human beings cannot legitimately break it. The ultimate meaning of marriage is the representation of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church.” (p. 159)
    • “if Christ ever abandons and discards his church, then a man may divorce his wife. And if the blood-bought church, under the new covenant, ever ceases to be the bride of Christ, then a wife may legitimately divorce her husband. But as long as Christ keeps his covenant with the church, and as long as the church, by the omnipotent grace of God, remains the chosen people of Christ, then the very meaning of marriage will include: What God has joined, only God can separate.” (p. 159)
    • “I pray that one of the effects of this book will be to make us as a people profoundly serious about the sacredness of marriage.” (p. 159)
    • Marriage “is the work of God, not man, and it does not lie in man’s prerogative to end it.” (p. 160)
    • “Let me say cautiously and seriously: Those who scorn the design of God and the glory of Christ and build their lives and businesses and whole industries around making divorce cheap and easy are under the wrath of God and need to repent and seek his forgiveness through Christ before it is too late.” (p. 160)
    • When the Pharisees question Jesus about the lawfulness of divorce in Mark 10, Jesus asks them what Moses commanded. The Pharisees quote from Deuteronomy. But Moses also wrote Genesis.
    • “there are laws in the Old Testament that are not expressions of God’s will for all time, but expressions of how best to manage sin in a particular people at a particular time.” (p. 160)
    • Divorce is never commanded or instituted in Old Testament Israel
    • It was permitted & regulated, like polygamy & slavery, because of the hardness of the peoples' hearts
    • Jesus goes back to creation and how God created things to be
    • How does Jesus handle the tension between Genesis 1-2 and Deuteronomy 24?
    • “Will the emphasis fall on the fact that in the church there is still hardness of heart, or will the emphasis fall on the fact that the old has passed away and the new has come (2 Cor. 5:17)?” (p. 161)
    • Three conclusions from Jesus in Mark 10:8-9
      • 1) verse 8 - “no longer two but one flesh”
        • Marriage is a profound union of one flesh
      • 2) verse 9 - “What therefore God has joined together”
        • This union of marriage is God's work, not man's
        • Despite our actions & decisions & ceremonies, “God is the main actor in the event of marriage.” (p. 161)
      • 3) verse 9 - “let not man separate”
        • “If God joined the man and woman in marriage, then mere humans have no right to separate what he joined.” (p. 162)
      • “Since God created this sacred union with this sacred purpose to display the unbreakable firmness of his covenant love for his people, it simply does not lie within man’s rights to destroy what God created.” (p. 162)
    • Jesus says it's not lawful to divorce because it contradicts the design & meaning of marriage
      • “He is calling his followers to a higher standard than the compromise with hardness of heart in Deuteronomy.” (p. 162)
    • “Jesus came not only to fulfill the law in his own work, he came to take his people to a radical understanding of the law and a radical obedience to the law that is not based on law but on himself, and therefore reflects the fullness of what God wills for us— and especially reflects the gospel, the covenant-keeping work of Christ at Calvary for his church. Marriage among Christians is mainly meant to tell the truth about the gospel—that Christ died for his church who loves him and never breaks his covenant with his bride.” (p. 163)
    • “In essence, Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You are permitted to divorce.’ But I say to you, ‘I have come to conquer the hardness of your heart. I have come to die for your sins. I have come to count you as righteous. I have come to show you the drama that marriage was meant to represent in my sacrificial, covenant-keeping love for my sinful bride. I have come to give you the power to stay married, or to stay single, so that either way you keep your promises and show what my covenant is like and how sacred is the covenant bond of marriage.’ ” ” (p. 163)
    • Jesus is blunt in Mark 10, telling the disciples that remarriage after divorce is adultery
    • “Keep your marriage vows in such a way as to tell the truth about the unbreakable covenant love of Christ.” (p. 164)
    • So what about those who have divorced?
    • “I want to emphasize that what Jesus says here in Mark 10:10–12 is incredibly good news—even to those who have been divorced and are remarried. Here’s why: Jesus says, “Don’t divorce your spouse and marry someone else. If you do, you’ve committed adultery.” Why is it adultery? Ultimately, it is adultery because it betrays the truth about Christ that marriage is meant to display. Jesus never, never does that to his bride, the church. He never forsakes her. He never abandons her. He never abuses her. He always loves her. He always takes her back when she wanders. He always is patient with her. He always cares for her and provides for her and protects her and, wonder of wonders, delights in her. And you—you who are married once, married five times, married never—if you repent and trust Christ—receive him as the Treasure who bore your punishment and became your righteousness—you are in the bride. And that is how he relates to you. “Everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name” (Acts 10:43).” (p. 164)
    • “The radical call of Jesus never to divorce and remarry is a declaration of the gospel by which people who have failed may be saved. If Christ were not this way, we would all be undone. But this is how true, how faithful, how forgiving he is. Therefore, we are saved.” (p. 164)

• Chapter 15: What God Has Joined Together, Let Not Man Separate: The Gospel and the Divorced
  • Scripture – Matthew 19:3-12
  • Notes & Quotes
    • Bonhoeffer: “It is a blessed thing to know that no power on earth, no temptation, no human frailty can dissolve what God holds together; indeed, anyone who knows that may say confidently: What God has joined together, can no man put asunder.” (quoted on p. 166)
    • Review from Chapter 14: Two ways to be compassionate & caring in relation to divorce
      • 1) “come alongside divorced persons while they grieve and (wherever necessary) repent, and to stay by them through the painful transitions, and to fold them into our lives, and to help them find a way to enjoy the forgiveness and the strength for new kinds of obedience that Christ has already obtained for them when he died and rose again.” (p. 167-168)
      • 2) “articulate hatred for divorce, and why it is against the will of God, and to do all we can biblically to keep it from happening.” (p. 168)
    • Divorce makes many people single again, sometimes against their will
    • “If we are going to stand for marriage as the lifelong commitment to one living spouse, then we must be prepared to love single, divorced people with all our hearts and homes and families.” (p. 168)
    • Can a divorced person still honor his or her marriage vows?
    • “since God is the one who decisively makes every marriage, only God has the right to break a marriage. And he does it by death. Which is why the traditional and biblical marriage vows have one and only one limitation: “Till death do us part,” or “As long as we both shall live.” ” (p. 168-169)
    • Four pressing biblical & practical questions
      • 1) “Does death end a marriage in such a way that it is legitimate for a spouse to remarry?” (p. 169)
        • Short answer: Yes
        • Romans 7:1-3
        • “Paul says that to divorce and remarry while your spouse is living is adulterous, but to remarry after the death of a spouse is not.” (p. 169)
        • Since there is no marriage in the resurrection (Matthew 22:30), the end of this life – for either spouse – ends their marriage
        • “remarriage after the death of a spouse is not only legitimate, but it speaks a clear biblical truth—after death there is no marriage.” (p. 169)
      • 2) “If a divorced person has already married again, should he or she leave the later marriage?” (p. 169)
        • Jesus speaks of this as adultery – Luke 16:18
        • “My answer is that remarriage, while a divorced spouse is still living, is an act of unfaithfulness to the marriage covenant. In that sense, to remarry is adultery. We promised, “Till death do us part” because that is what God says marriage is, and even if our spouse breaks his or her covenant vows, we will not break ours.” (p. 170)
        • This second marriage, though sinful in its beginning, should not be broken – it is a real marriage
        • “I don’t think that a couple who repents and seeks God’s forgiveness and receives his cleansing should think of their lives as ongoing adultery, even though, in the eyes of Jesus, that’s how the relationship started.” (p. 170)
        • Three reasons for this view:
          • 1) The language of defilement in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 of a divorced woman remarrying is similar to Jesus' language of adultery
            • “And yet the second marriage stood. It was defiling in some sense, yet it was valid.” (p. 170)
          • 2) Jesus implies that all five of the woman from Samaria's husbands were really husbands (John 4:18) – they were real marriages
            • “Not that it’s right to divorce and marry five times. But the way Jesus speaks of it sounds as though he saw them as real marriages. Illicit. Adulterous to enter into, but real. Valid.” (p. 170)
          • 3) “even vows that should not be made, once they are made, should generally be kept.” (p. 171)
            • This isn't absolute in every situation, but we see this in places such as Joshua's vow to the Gibeonites in Joshua 9
            • Psalm 15:4
            • “it would have been more in keeping with God’s revealed will not to remarry, but adding the sin of another covenant-breaking does not please God more.”
              • Interesting footnote: “The imposed divorces of Ezra 10:6ff. are an exception to this rule that is probably owing to the unique situation of ethnic Israel under the old covenant living among idolatrous pagan peoples and breaking God’s law not to intermarry with them. We know from 1 Corinthians 7:13 and 1 Peter 3:1–6 that the Christian answer to mixed marriages between a Christian and a non-Christian is not divorce.” (footnote, p. 171)
            • “There are marriages in the church I serve that are second marriages for one or both partners, which, in my view, should not have happened, but are today godly marriages—marriages that are clean and holy, and in which forgiven, justified husbands and wives please God by the way they relate to each other. As forgiven, cleansed, Spirit-led followers of Jesus, they are not committing adultery in their marriages. These marriages began as they should not have but have become holy.” (p. 171)
      • 3) “If an unbelieving spouse insists on leaving a believing spouse, what should the believing spouse do?” (p. 171)
        • 1 Corinthians 7:12-16
          • Interesting note – where Paul says, “I, not the Lord,” Piper says: “which I think means, I don’t have a specific command from the historical teachings of Jesus, but I am led by his Spirit” (p. 171)
        • “marriage is such a holy union in God’s eyes that a believer, a child of God, is not defiled by having sexual relations with an enemy of the cross; and the children are not born with any kind of special contamination because the father or mother is an enemy of Christ. They’re not saved by being married to a believer or born to a believer, but they are set apart for proper and holy use in the marriage.” (p. 171-172)
        • A believer should not fight their unbelieving spouse if they want a divorce
        • Four reasons Piper thinks “not enslaved” (1 Corinthians 7:15) does not mean free to remarry:
          • 1) Paul would not have spoken – and does not speak – of singleness as slavery. He is saying they are not enslaved to remain in a marriage that an unbeliever is forsaking.
          • 2) Paul points in the opposite direction in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 – to either be reconciled or remain unmarried
          • 3) 1 Corinthians 7:16 – Since you don't know if your unbelieving spouse will be saved, “you can’t use that as an argument to create a fight to stay married.” (p. 173)
            • “you are not enslaved to this marriage when your unbelieving spouse demands out, because you have no assurance that fighting to stay in will save him.” (p. 173)
          • 4) 1 Corinthians 7:39
          • “Paul and Jesus are of one mind that followers of Jesus are radically devoted to one husband or one wife as long as they both shall live. This ideal tells the gospel truth most clearly: Christ died for his bride and never forsakes her.” (p. 173)
      • 4) “Are there no exceptions to the prohibition of remarriage while the spouse is living?” (p. 173)
        • Piper's answer, though he admits it's a minority opinion: No.
        • He defends his position at length elsewhere:
          • Chapters 40-42 in his book, What Jesus Demands from the World
          • “Divorce and Remarriage: A Position Paper”
        • The “exception clause” of Matthew 19:3-12 is “the main argument for lawful divorce and remarriage in cases of adultery.” (p. 173)
        • Most scholars believe that Matthew 19:9 means that both divorce & remarriage is allowed in this case.
        • But Piper asks, “Is that what Jesus meant?” (p. 174)
        • Jesus doesn't say “except for adultery” but “except for sexual immorality.”
        • “I think what Jesus is doing is warning his readers that this absolute prohibition against remarriage does not apply to the situation of betrothal, where fornication may have happened.” (p. 174)
        • Consider the story of Joseph & Mary in Matthew 1.
        • “Matthew says that Joseph was “just” or “righteous” (dikaios) in resolving to “divorce” Mary. There is no suggestion that Joseph would have been prohibited from marrying someone after “divorcing” Mary in this betrothed situation. My conclusion is that in Matthew 19:9, the inspired apostle is showing us that Jesus’ prohibition of remarriage does not apply to Joseph’s kind of situation.” (p. 174)
        • While this view may not be widely held, it seems to flow from the high view of marriage that Piper has been speaking of throughout the book, and it also seems to be consistent with Jesus's teaching elsewhere that elevates the expectations for Christians – such as elevating lust & anger to the level of adultery & murder.
    • “Whether you agree with me concerning the grounds of divorce and remarriage or not, I pray that we will all recognize the deepest and highest meaning of marriage—not sexual intimacy, as good as that is, not friendship, or mutual helpfulness, or childbearing, or child-rearing, but the flesh-and-blood display in the world of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. That is what I pray you will pursue, in your marriage or your singleness.
      Through the gospel God gives us the power we need to love each other in this covenant-keeping way. We know this because in Matthew 19:11, after his radical call to faithfulness in marriage, Jesus said, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.” It is given to those who follow Christ. We are not left alone. He is with us to help us. If we have been sinned against, he will make it right sooner or later (Rom. 12:19). He will give us the grace to flourish while we wait. And if we have sinned, he will give the grace to repent and receive forgiveness and move forward in radical new obedience.
      The gospel of Christ crucified for our sins is the foundation of our lives. Marriage exists to display it. And when marriage breaks down, the gospel is there to forgive and heal and sustain until he comes, or until he calls.” (p. 175)