This Momentary Marriage - Week 8

Some notes for chapters 12 & 13 from John Piper's This Momentary Marriage:

• Chapter 12: Marriage Is Meant for Making Children . . . Disciples of Jesus: How Absolute Is the Duty to Procreate?
  • Scripture – Ephesians 6:1-4
  • Questions
    • How absolute is the duty to procreate?
  • Notes & Quotes
    • Dietrich Bonhoeffer: “Marriage is more than your love for each other. It has a higher dignity and power, for it is God’s holy ordinance, through which he wills to perpetuate the human race till the end of time.” (quoted on p. 136)
    • Review: “the main meaning of marriage is to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. In other words, marriage was designed by God, most deeply and most importantly, to be a parable or a drama of the way Christ loves his church and the way he calls the church to love him. This is the most important thing for all husbands and wives to know about the meaning of their marriage.” (p. 137)
    • “Marriage is a magnificent thing because it is modeled on something magnificent and points to something magnificent.” (p. 138)
    • Having babies is an important, biblical meaning & purpose of marriage, but it is not the primary/ultimate meaning or purpose of marriage.
    • This purpose, of having babies, is not merely to add to the number of people on the earth, but to add to the number of disciples of Jesus Christ.
    • You don't have to have biological children in order to make children disciples of Christ.
    • “God’s purpose in making marriage the place to have children was never merely to fill the earth with people, but to fill the earth with worshippers of the true God.” (p. 139)
    • Piper's goals for this chapter:
      • 1) “to see that God’s original plan in creation was for men and women to marry and have children.” (p. 139)
        • “the meaning of marriage normally includes, by God’s design, giving birth to children and raising them in Christ.” (p. 139)
        • Genesis 1:26-28; Genesis 9:1; Psalm 127:4-5; Mark 10:13-14
        • “Marriage is the place for making children and filling the earth with the knowledge of the Lord the way the waters cover the sea (cf. Hab. 2:14).” (p. 140)
        • “from beginning to end, the Bible puts a huge value on having and raising and blessing children.” (p. 140)
      • 2) “to see that in the fallen world we live in, not only is marrying not an absolute calling on all people (as we have seen), but neither is producing children in marriage an absolute calling on all couples.” (p. 139)
        • “while the meaning of marriage normally includes giving birth to children, this is not absolute.” (p. 140)
        • The decision to have children is analogous to that of getting married
        • Genesis 2:18; 1 Corinthians 7:7, 26
        • God's people have different gifts and different callings; marriage is not absolute.
        • Having kids is normal and good, but not absolute.
        • “Marriage is not absolutely for making children. But it is absolutely for making children followers of Jesus.” (p. 141)
        • Mark 10:29-30
          • Spiritual influence on children may be through adoption, foster care, backyard Bible clubs, hospitality to neighborhood kids, nursery, Sunday school, in addition to biological children
        • Romans 9:8
          • Seek to bring “children of God” into being
        • 1 Corinthians 4:15; Romans 16:13
          • “among Christians, mothering and fathering by procreation is natural and good and even glorious when Christ is in it. But it is not absolute. Aiming to bring spiritual children into being is absolute. Marriage is for making children. Yes. But not absolutely. Absolutely marriage is for making children followers of Jesus.” (p. 142)
      • 3) To see “what Ephesians 6:1–4 says about how marriage becomes the means for making children disciples of Jesus.” (p. 139)
        • Five observations on Ephesians 6:1-4
          • 1) The father has the leading (not sole) responsibility in bringing up children. (verse 4)
          • 2) The mother & father are called to this together (verse 1)
            • Proverbs 6:20-21; 2 Timothy 1:5; 3:14
          • 3) Unity of father & mother is important – having the same goal - “the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (verse 4)
            • Work out how this unity will play out in your house
          • 4) “The most fundamental task of a mother and father is to show God to the children.” (p. 143)
            • “Children know their parents before they know God. This is a huge responsibility and should cause every parent to be desperate for God-like transformation.” (p. 143)
            • “The chief task of parenting is to know God for who he is in his many attributes—especially as he has revealed himself in the person of Jesus and his cross—and then to live in such a way with our children that we help them see and know this multi-faceted God. And, of course, that will involve directing them always to the infallible portrait of God in the Bible.” (p. 144)
          • 5) “God has ordained that both mother and father be involved in raising the children because they are husband and wife before they are mother and father.” (p. 144)
            • God's “design is that children grow up watching Christ love the church and watching the church delight in following Christ. His design is that the beauty and strength and wisdom of this covenant relationship be absorbed by the children from the time they are born.” (p. 144)
    • “the deepest meaning of marriage—displaying the covenant love between Christ and the church—is underneath this other meaning of marriage—making children disciples of Jesus. It is all woven together. Good marriages make good places for children to grow up and see the glory of Christ’s covenant-keeping love.” (p. 144)

• Chapter 13: Marriage Is Meant for Making Children . . . Disciples of Jesus: The Conquest of Anger in Father and Child
  • Scripture – Ephesians 6:1-4
  • Notes & Quotes
    • Dietrich Bonhoeffer: “It is from God that parents receive their children, and it is to God that they should lead them.” (quoted on p. 146)
    • Review: “What we saw in the previous chapter was that this flesh-and-blood drama of the love between Christ and the church is the God-designed setting for making children—and for making them disciples of Jesus.” (p. 147)
    • What is the essence of the Christian “nest” of child-raising?
      • “if we are Christians, we say that the very essence of that nest is the flesh-and-blood drama created by a husband and a wife living and showing and teaching the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. That activity is the essence of the nest.” (p. 148)
    • What is supposed to happen in this drama of Christ & the church for the sake of the children within it?
    • Fathers have the leading (not sole) responsibility in raising children
      • This is a natural extension of his leading responsibility in the marriage
    • “That is what it means to be a married man: sacrificial, loving headship in relationship to our wives, and firm, tender leadership in relationship to the united task of raising our children in the Lord.” (p. 149)
    • “What does Ephesians 6:4 call a father to do?” (p. 149)
    • Why does Paul focus on anger in the relationship between fathers and children?
      • “Why this one? Why not, don’t discourage them? Or pamper them? Or tempt them to covet or lie or steal? Why not, don’t abuse them? Or neglect them? Or set a bad example for them? Or manipulate them?” (p. 150)
    • Piper's guess, based on what he knows from Scripture & life:
      • 1) “because anger is the most common emotion of the sinful heart when it confronts authority.” (p. 150)
        • “I think Paul is saying that there is going to be plenty of anger with the best of parenting, so make every effort, without compromising your authority or truth or holiness, to avoid provoking anger.” (p. 150)
      • 2) because anger “devours almost all other good emotions.” (p. 150)
        • “It deadens the soul. It numbs the heart to joy and gratitude and hope and tenderness and compassion and kindness. So Paul knows that if a dad can help a child not be overcome by anger, he may unlock his heart to a dozen other precious emotions that make worship possible and make relationships sweet.” (p. 150)
        • Have you ever been angry on the way to church? Or at church? Do you feel like worshiping or singing when you're angry?
        • 2 Corinthians 6:11-13
    • A child's anger is not necessarily the result of the father's provoking
    • “The point [of verse 4] is to warn fathers that there is a huge temptation to say things and do things and neglect things that will cause legitimately avoidable anger in our children.” (p. 151)
    • How can we (especially fathers) diminish or remove anger in ourselves and our children before it happens?
    • “God has never done anything that should legitimately cause anger in any of his children.” (p. 151)
    • Yet we get angry with Him at times
    • Yet further still, He has taken the initiative to overcome our anger & repair the relationship we have broken
    • Ephesians 4:31-32
      • “Our Father is not just telling us not to be angry; rather, at great cost to himself, he is overcoming his anger and our anger in the death of Jesus.” (p. 152)
    • Ephesians 5:1
      • “So, fathers, imitate your heavenly Father. Take initiatives, no matter how painful to you or how out of character they may feel, to prevent or diminish the anger of your children.” (p. 152)
    • Ephesians 6:4
      • “don’t just stop doing things that provoke anger; start doing things that prevent and overcome anger. Start doing things that awaken in the heart of a child other wonderful emotions so that they are not devoured by anger—the great emotion eater.”
    • “The main task in all this is that you overcome your own anger and replace it with tenderhearted joy. Joy that spills over onto your children.” (p. 152)
    • Matthew 12:34
    • “being the kind of father God calls us to be means being the kind of Christian and the kind of husband God calls us to be.” (p. 152)
    • What is the key to overcoming anger and replacing it with joy?
    • “Being a Christian means receiving forgiveness freely from God for all our failures and all our anger. It means letting the smile of God in Christ melt the decades of hard, numbing, emotionless, low-grade anger. And then we let that healing flow to others. “Let all . . . anger . . . be put away from you. . . . Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:31–32). God for- gave you. God has been kind to you. God is tenderhearted to you. It is all because of Christ. Therefore, in Christ, by the Spirit, fathers, we can do this. We can put away anger, and we can forgive, and we can experience and awaken in our children tenderheartedness with a whole array of precious emotions that may have been eaten up by anger. Those emotions can live again. In you. And in your children.” (p. 153)
    • “God does not call us to do this before he does it for us. That’s the gospel. Before he commands us to love the way he does (5:1), he forgives all our failures to love. Get this, fathers! I am not calling you to love your children like this so that you will have a Father in heaven who is for you. It’s the other way around. I am telling you that God, by the sacrifice and obedience of his Son, Jesus, through faith alone, has already become totally for you.” (p. 153)
    • Romans 8:31
    • “It is a beautiful unity: first, marriage as the display of covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church, and second, marriage as the place where children taste and see and flourish in that very Christ-sustained, covenant-keeping love. The two are one.” (p. 154)

Rest for the Anxious

I found this to be a very encouraging, helpful article.  Here's how it starts:

Do you ever feel anxious as a parent? I do. I’ll be the first to raise my hand. I’ll raise both hands!

All kinds of things contribute to this anxiety. Our culture encourages us to work ourselves to death and work our children to death so we can be successful. But this drive to succeed and consume more and more stuff can make us spiritually sick inside. Some have called it “affluenza”.

We’re so focused on earning money and spending money, meeting deadlines and reaching goals, that we drive ourselves crazy.

God has a word for us anxious parents. Psalm 127:3 says, “It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.”

Have you ever wondered why God made us in such a way that we have to sleep away a third of our lives? Isn’t that crazy? Think of how many hours we could be doing other things. Why did he make us that way? Why do we need sleep? Sleep is a gift from God. It reminds us that we are not God. God wants us to rest in him.

Read the full article here to see how the author fleshes out his answers to these questions.

Kindergarten of Biblical Headship

With kids heading back to school, and the Life Group nearing the end of our study of John Piper's This Momentary Marriage, this quote jumped out at me:

“The example the husband sets has eternal consequences. This means headship is more about controlling one’s character than controlling one’s wife. The man who is more concerned with how his wife should obey him than with how he should obey God fails the kindergarten of biblical headship.”~Bryan Chappell, Each for the Other, p. 78 

(HT: Zach Nielsen)

This Momentary Marriage - Week 7

Here are some notes for this week's study of chapter 11 on Faith and Sex from John Piper's This Momentary Marriage:

• Chapter 11: Faith and Sex in Marriage
  • Scripture – Hebrews 13:4-5
  • Questions
    • How can sex proceed from faith? How does faith impact sex in marriage?
    • How can the love of money be like the love of sex?
  • Notes & Quotes
    • Dietrich Bonhoeffer: “Even our bodies belong to Christ and have their part in the life of discipleship, for they are members of his Body.” (quoted on p. 126)
    • “God did not make this massive capacity for pleasure merely to make sure there would be a new generation.” (p. 127)
    • “the ultimate meaning of marital sex is about the final delights between Christ and his church.” (p. 127)
    • “Just as the heavens are telling the glory of God’s power and beauty, so sexual climax is telling the glory of immeasurable delights that we will have with Christ in the age to come.” (p. 128)
    • We cannot imagine the eternal pleasures that David speaks of in Psalm 16:11 any more than a toddler can imagine the pleasures of sex
    • 1 Timothy 4:1-3
    • “Woe to me if I do not celebrate the gift of sex in marriage.” (p. 128)
    • In marriage, “We are commanded to enjoy each other’s bodies.” (p. 128)
      • Proverbs 5:18-19; Song of Solomon 1:2
    • Sex in marriage is the private scenes of the drama of Christ and the Church, meant to be witnessed only by the spouses, and God
    • Money & sex are two big trouble spots in many marriages, as power & pleasure are pursued in relation to both
    • Anything that does not come from faith is sin (see Romans 14:23)
    • “Guard sexual relations in marriage by not doing anything that does not come from faith.” (p. 129)
    • How does faith produce sexual attitudes & actions that are not sin?
    • “God has made such comforting, reassuring, hope-inspiring promises in his Word ... that if we have faith in these promises, we will be content. And contentment is the antidote to the love of money and the antidote for all sexual sin.” (p. 130)
    • “Sin is what you feel and think and do when you are not taking God at his word and resting in his promises. So the command of Hebrews 13:4 can be stated like this: Let your sexual relations be free from any act or attitude that does not come from faith in God’s word. Or to put it positively: Have those attitudes and do those acts in your marital sexual relations that grow out of the contentment that comes from confidence in God’s promises.” (p. 130)
    • “If I am content through faith in God’s promises, why should I even seek sexual gratification at all?” (p. 130)
      • 1) Maybe you shouldn't seek it, but should stay single (see chapter 9)
      • 2) “The contentment of faith does not take [sexual appetite] away any more than it takes away hunger and weariness.”
    • “What ... does contentment mean in relation to ongoing sexual desire?” (p. 130)
      • 1) If the desire is denied by remaining single, God will provide an added measure of help & fellowship through faith in Him and His promises
        • Philippians 4:11-13
        • “If Paul could learn to be content in hunger, then we can learn to be content if God chooses not to give us sexual gratification.” (p. 130)
      • 2) If that desire is offered to us in marriage, we will seek it and enjoy it only in ways that reflect our faith in God and His promises.
        • “while the contentment of faith does not put an end to our hunger, weariness, or sexual appetite, it does transform the way we go about satisfying those desires.” (p. 131)
        • “Faith doesn’t stop us from eating, but it stops gluttony; it doesn’t stop sleep, but it keeps us from being a sluggard. It doesn’t stop sexual appetite but . . . But what?” (p. 131)
    • If faith doesn't stop or take away our sex drive, what does it do?
      • 1) “faith honors the body and its appetites as God’s good gifts.” (p. 131)
        • 1 Timothy 4:4-5
        • Sex that proceeds from faith is not dirty within marriage
      • 2) Faith frees us from the guilt of the past and increases the joy of sex in marriage
        • “All of us have committed sins that, though forgiven, make our present life more problematic than if we hadn’t committed them.” (p. 132)
        • “But I don’t want to give the impression that Christ is powerless against such scars. He may not remove all the problems that these scars cause us, but he has promised to work even in all these problems for our good if we love him and are called according to his purpose (Rom. 8:28).” (p. 132)
        • “Christ died not only that in him we might have guilt-free sexual relations in marriage, but also that he might then, even through our scars, convey to us some spiritual good.” (p. 132)
      • 3) “faith uses sex against Satan.” (p. 133)
        • 1 Corinthians 7:3-5; Ephesians 6:16
        • “Do we guard ourselves from Satan with the shield of faith or the shield of sex?” (p. 133)
        • “The answer for married people is that faith makes use of sexual intercourse as a means of grace. For the people God leads into marriage, sexual relations are a God-ordained means of overcoming temptation to sin (the sin of adultery, the sin of sexual fantasizing, the sin of pornography). Faith humbly accepts such gifts and offers thanks.” (p. 133)
    • Important point in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 – Paul “does not encourage the husband or wife who wants sexual gratification to seize it without concern for the other’s needs. Instead, he urges both husband and wife to always be ready to give his or her body when the other wants it.” (p. 133-134)
    • “If it is the joy of each to make the other happy, a hundred problems will be solved before they happen.” (p. 134)
      • In this way, sex is like a microcosm of the marriage as a whole – finding joy in making your spouse happy
    • “Husbands, if it is your joy to bring her satisfaction, you will be sensitive to what she needs and wants. … you will find in the long run that it is more blessed to give than to receive.” (p. 134)
    • “The goal is to outdo one another in giving what the other wants (Rom. 12:10). Both of you, make it your aim to satisfy each other as fully as possible.” (p. 134)
    • Questions to think about as to whether our marriage bed is undefiled – if our sex proceeds from our faith:
      • “Does what I am feeling or doing have its roots in the contentment of faith or in the anxious insecurity of unbelief?” (p. 135)
      • “Do my cravings conform to the contentment of faith or contradict it?” (p. 135)
        • These questions apply to all of life
    • “the impact of faith on three aspects of sexual relations in marriage.” (p. 135)
      • 1) “faith believes God when he says that sexual relations in marriage are good and clean and should be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth.” (p. 135)
      • 2) “faith increases the joy of sexual relations in marriage because it frees us from the guilt of the past. Faith believes the promise that Christ died for all our sins, that in him we might have guilt-free, Christ-exalting sexual relations in marriage.” (p. 135)
      • 3) “faith wields the weapon of sexual intercourse against Satan. A married couple gives a severe blow to the head of that ancient serpent when they aim to give as much sexual satisfaction to each other as possible. Is it not a mark of amazing grace that on top of all the pleasure that the sexual side of marriage brings, it also proves to be a fearsome weapon against our ancient foe?” (p. 135)
    • “Marriage at its exquisite peak of pleasure speaks powerfully the truth of covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. And that love is the most powerful force in the world. It is not surprising then that Satan’s defeat, Christ’s glory, and our pleasure should come together in this undefiled marriage bed.” (p. 135)

Don't Waste Your Life

Here's the song I referenced this morning in class.  The line that stood out to me as I was thinking about being stewards of God's varied grace (1 Peter 4:10) was this: "See your money, your singleness, marriage, talents, your time / they were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine."  Below the video are the lyrics I tried to gather online & edit as I listened.

(RSS/Email subscribers may need to click through to see the video)

I know a lot of people that are scared they gonna die
couple of 'em thinking they’ll be livin’ in the sky
but while I’m here livin’ man I gotta ask why, what am here fo I gotta figure out
waste my life
no I gotta make it count
if Christ is real then what am I gonna do about
everything in Luke 12:15 down to 21
you really oughta go and check it out
Paul said if Christ ain’t resurrected we wastin' our lives
well that implies that our life’s built around Jesus being alive
everyday I’m living tryin’ show the world why
Christ is more than everything you’ll ever try
better than pretty women and sinning and living to get a minute of any women and men that you admire
it ain’t no lie
We created for Him
outta the dust he made us for Him
Elects us and he saves us for Him
Jesus comes and He raises for Him
Magnify the Father why bother with something lesser
He made us so we could bless Him and to the world we confess Him
resurrects Him
so I know I got life
matter fact better man I know I got Christ
if you don’t see His ways in my days and nights
you can hit my brakes you can stop my lights
man I lost my rights
I lost my life
forget the money cars and toss that ice
the cost is Christ
and they could never offer me anything on the planet that’ll cost that price.


Suffer
Yeah do it for Christ if you trying to figure what to do with your life
if you making a lot money hope you doing it right because the money is Gods you better steward it right
stay focused if you ain’t got no ride
your life ain’t wrapped up in what you drive
the clothes you wear the job you work
the color your skin naw you Christian first
people get their living for a job
make a little money start living for a car
get em a wife a house kids and a dog
when they retire they living high on the hog
but guess what they didn’t ever really live at all
to live is Christ and that’s Paul I recall
to die is gain so for Christ we give it all
he’s the treasure you’ll never find in the mall
See your money your singleness marriage talents your time
they were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine
that’s why it’s Christ in my rhyme
That’s why it’s Christ all the time
see my whole world is built around him He’s the life in my lines
I refused to waste my life
he’s too true to chase that ice
here’s my gifts and time cause I’m constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ
If he’s truly raised to life
then this news should change your life
and by his grace you can put your faith in the place that rules your days and nights.

This Momentary Marriage - Week 6

Here are some notes from chapters 9 & 10 of John Piper's This Momentary Marriage:

• Chapter 9: Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters
  • Scripture – Isaiah 56:1-7
  • Notes & Quotes
    • “Why is there a chapter on singleness in a book on marriage?” (p. 105)
      • 1) To keep us from idolizing marriage
        • The point has been made time & time again that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Anytime you emphasize & repeat something as glorious as that, it lends itself to idolizing that thing – turning a good thing into an idol
        • We need to remember that Christ is who we should worship, not marriage or our spouse
      • 2) To show single readers a fuller picture of how singleness & marriage relate to each other and God's purposes
      • 3) To motivate single & married people to be part of the family of God that Christ died to create & which will endure forever
    • Main point of this chapter: “God promises those who remain single in Christ blessings that are better than the blessings of marriage and children” (p. 106)
    • What truths shine more brightly through singleness than through marriage?
      • 1) The family of God grows by regeneration through faith in Christ, not by sexual reproduction
      • 2) Relationships in Christ are more permanent & precious than relationships in families
      • 3) Marriage is temporary & gives way to the reality it displays & points to
      • 4) Faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life – the relationship to Christ is ultimate & doesn't require marriage or children
    • Rephrasing of main point: “God promises spectacular blessings to those of you who remain single in Christ, and he gives you an extraordinary calling for your life. To be single in Christ is, therefore, not a falling short of God’s best, but a path of Christ-exalting, covenant-keeping obedience that many are called to walk.” (p. 106-107)
    • Throughout most of the history of God's people, physical offspring was a huge part of God's promises & fulfillment. Consider:
      • God's promise to Adam & Eve of a son who would crush the serpent's head
      • God's promise to Abraham & Sarah of natural born offspring that would outnumber the dust of the earth
      • God's promise that it would be through Isaac that Abraham's offspring would be reckoned (as opposed to Eliezer of Damascus, possibly Abraham's slave, not his nephew Lot, not Ishmael)
      • God becomes known as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
      • Israel becomes identified by tribes named after Jacob's sons, all the way down to the point where the apostle Paul says he could boast of being a Benjaminite.
      • The promise to David that his throne would be established forever. From this kingly line Christ Himself was born.
      • Physical offspring had everything to do with inheritance and legacy and perpetuating the family name
        • Levirate marriage – where a man would marry his deceased brother's wife and their first son would take the name of the deceased brother
        • Deuteronomy 25:6: “The first son whom she bears shall succeed to the name of his dead brother, that his name may not be blotted out of Israel.”
        • Boaz married Ruth to preserve the name/line of Elimilech & Mahlon (Ruth 4:10)
    • Yet in Isaiah, God's promise is even “without marriage and without children, these covenant-keeping eunuchs get a name and a memorial better than sons and daughters.” (p. 109)
    • “Where did this amazing promise come from? What’s the basis of it, and what is it pointing toward?” (p. 109)
      • Isaiah 53 – the suffering servant “shall see his offspring”
      • “Here is a great prophecy: When the Messiah dies as “an offering for guilt” and rises again to “prolong his days” forever, he will by that great saving act produce many children: He will “see his offspring.” In other words, the new people of God formed by the Messiah will not be formed by physical procreation but by the atoning death of Christ.” (p. 109)
    • How does the New Testament speak to this promise, this change from physical offspring to spiritual offspring?
      • Jesus – John 3:3 – “unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God”
      • Paul – Galatians 3:7,26 – “Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham. . . . in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith.”
      • Peter – 1 Peter 1:3-4 – “According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you”
      • John – John 1:12-13 – “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”
      • “Children are born into God’s family and receive their inheritance not by marriage and procreation but by faith and regeneration. Which means that single people in Christ have zero disadvantage in bearing children for God and may, in some ways, have a great advantage.” (p. 110)
      • 1 Corinthians 4:15 – Paul was not married, but was a great father
      • You can be a great father or mother and never be married or get pregnant
    • Marriage & family are temporary & secondary compared to the eternal & primary nature of the Church
    • “being in a human family is no sign of eternal blessing, but being in God’s family means being eternally blessed.” (p. 111)
    • Temporal relationships are not primary – consider Matthew 12:48-49; Matthew 22:30; Luke 11:27-28; Mark 10:29-30
    • “Single person, married person, do you want children, mothers, brothers, sisters, lands? Renounce the primacy of your natural relationships, and follow Jesus into the fellowship of the people of God.” (p. 112)
      • In college, my best friend and I were both skinny, blond, Scandinavians, and a lot of people confused us for each other and a lot asked if we were brothers. Most of the time we'd just laugh and say no. It wasn't until after college that I started to really learn about what it means that the Church is the Body of Christ, and the family of God. I wish I could go back to college and confirm to everyone who asked that yes, we are brothers. Blood brothers. We were both redeemed and adopted because of the blood of Christ.
    • “Jesus approves some of his followers’ renouncing marriage and sexual activity for the sake of serving Christ’s kingdom.” – Matthew 19:12; 1 Corinthians 7:8, 32-33, 35
    • “Someone might ask, wouldn’t it be better to have both—the blessings of marriage and the blessings of heaven? There are two answers to that question. One is that you will find out someday, and better to learn it now, that the blessings of being with Christ in heaven are so far superior to the blessings of being married and raising children that asking this question will be like asking, wouldn’t it be better to have the ocean and also the thimbleful? But that’s not the answer you wanted. So here is another one: Marriage and singleness both present us with unique trials and unique opportunities for our sanctification—our preparation for heaven. There will be unique rewards for each. Which is greater will not depend on whether you were married or single, but on how you responded to each.” (p. 113)
    • Four truths that shine brighter through singleness than marriage (repeated from earlier in the chapter):
      • 1) “the family of God grows not by propagation through sexual intercourse, but by regeneration through faith in Christ” (p. 113)
      • 2) “relationships in Christ are more permanent, and more precious, than relationships in families” (p. 113)
      • 3) “marriage is temporary and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church—the way a picture is no longer needed when you see face-to-face” (p. 114)
      • 4) “faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life; all other relationships get their final significance from this. No family relationship is ultimate; relationship to Christ is.” (p. 114)
    • “Marriage has its unique potential for magnifying Christ that singleness does not have. Singleness has its unique potential for magnifying Christ that marriage does not have. To God be glory in the Christ-exalting drama of marriage and in the Christ-exalting drama of the single life.” (p. 114)

• Chapter 10: Singleness, Marriage, and the Christian Virtue of Hospitality
  • Scripture – 1 Peter 4:7-11
  • Questions
    • Why does a chapter on singleness talk about sex?
    • How many single friends (or neighbors, co-workers, relatives) do you & your spouse have?
    • What do you think of when you think of stewardship? Do you ever think of stewarding God's grace?
  • Notes & Quotes
    • Dietrich Bonhoeffer – “The physical presence of other Christians is a source of incomparable joy and strength to the believer. . . . The prisoner, the sick person, the Christian in exile sees in the companionship of a fellow Christian a physical sign of the gracious presence of the triune God. Visitor and visited in loneliness recognize in each other the Christ who is present in the body; they receive and meet each other as one meets the Lord, in reverence, humility, and joy. . . . It is true, of course that what is an unspeakable gift of God for the lonely individual is easily disregarded and trodden under foot by those who have the gift every day.” (quoted on p. 116)
    • Christ is magnified by married and single people serving each other
    • Why didn't God just create us as angels to praise Him & not be able to speak to each other? Why didn't He create us to only have a relationship with Him and no one else? Why did He create the physical world?
    • “God made bodies and material things because when they are rightly seen and rightly used, God’s glory is more fully known and displayed. The heavens are telling the glory of God (Ps. 19:1). That’s why the physical universe exists.” (p. 119)
      • Consider also: Matthew 6:26-28; Romans 1:20; Ephesians 5:23-25; 1 Corinthians 10:31; 1 Corinthians 11:26
    • “The material world is not an end in itself; it is designed to display God’s glory and to awaken our hearts to know him and value him more.” (p. 119)
    • Good gifts from God are not to be idolized, but to be used for our good & joy in ways that worship Christ and make much of Him – sex, food, all of creation is good, but it is not God, it is not to be worshiped above the Creator
    • 1 Timothy 4:1-5
    • We don't solve the idolatry of sex & food by mere avoidance
      • Am I crazy to suggest that as if we ignore & avoid food, we will die, that so in our marriages if we ignore & avoid sex, our marriages will suffer?
    • “We make sex holy by using it according to the word of God in Christ-dependent prayer.” (p. 120)
    • Like everything else God created, marriage & singleness are both designed, not to be worshiped, but to display the glory of Christ
    • “Marriage and celibacy can be idolatrous. Spouses can worship each other or worship sex or worship their children or worship double-income-no-kid buying power. Singles can worship autonomy and independence. Singles can look on marriage as a second-class Christian compromise with the sexual drive. Married people can look upon singleness as a mark of immaturity or irresponsibility or incompetence.” (p. 120)
    • There are Christ-exalting ways to be married & single.
    • 1 Corinthians 7:9 – when a man marries, “he takes his sexual desire, and he does the same thing with it that we must all do with all our physical desires if we would make them means of worship:” (p. 121)
      • 1) “he brings it into conformity to God’s word” (p. 121)
      • 2) “he subordinates it to a higher pattern of love and care” (p. 121)
      • 3) “he transposes the music of physical pleasure into the music of spiritual worship” (p. 121)
      • 4) “he listens for the echoes of God’s goodness in every nerve” (p. 121)
      • 5) “he seeks to double his pleasure by making her joy his joy” (p. 121)
      • 6) “he gives thanks to God from the bottom of his heart because he knows and he feels that he never deserved one minute of this pleasure.” (p. 121)
    • 1 Peter 4:7-11
      • Verse 7 – We are in the last days and Christ could return at any time.
        • So seek Him in the Word, in prayer, in His body – the church, so that when He comes He will not be a stranger
        • Seek His grace & mercy & strength to endure these last days
      • Verse 8 – There is tremendous stress in the last days
        • Will this stress ruin our relationships or will we remain firm in love, exhibited in forbearance and forgiveness?
      • Verse 9 – “Love covers much of what makes us grumble. So hospitality without grumbling is the calling of Christians in the last days. In the very days when your stress is high, and there are sins that need covering, and reasons to grumble abound—in those very days, Peter says, what we need to do is practice hospitality.” (p. 122)
        • Because God has opened His heart to us, we can have open hearts and open our doors to others in hospitality
        • 1 John 3:16-17
      • Verse 10 – “... serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”
        • We usually think of stewardship in terms of money; and maybe secondarily in terms of time.
        • But we are called to be stewards of God's grace – indeed, all we have, our money, possessions, time, abilities, etc., are all gifts of God
        • This flows naturally from the concept Piper introduced in chapter 3 – of receiving God's grace (vertically) and bending it out towards others (horizontally)
        • “Every Christian is a steward—a custodian, a manager, a warden, a distributor, a servant—of God’s varied grace.” (p. 122-123)
        • Hospitality is an example of stewardship of time & possessions
        • 2 Corinthians 9:8
        • “If you are afraid of hospitality—that you don’t have much personal strength or personal wealth—good. Then you won’t intimidate anybody. You will depend all the more on God’s grace. You will look all the more to the work of Christ and not your own work. And what a blessing people will get in your simple home or your little apartment.” (p. 123)
    • Piper's definition: “the Christian virtue of hospitality—a Christ-exalting strategy of love in the last days.” (p. 123)
    • Applications
      • 1) For everyone – “If you belong to Christ, if you have by faith received his saving hospitality, which he paid for with his own blood, then extend this hospitality to others. Romans 15:7: “Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” You live on free grace every day. Be a good steward of it in hospitality.” (p 123)
      • 2) For married couples – include single people in your hospitality, of all ages & types – never married, divorced, widowed, young & old, friends, family, co-workers, brothers & sisters in Christ
        • When including younger people in particular, this can be a great opportunity for discipleship – to show them to some measure what a Christian marriage/family looks like
      • 3) For single people – include married couples & families in your hospitality
    • Life Groups in general are set up to bring people together around a similar life stage, which is good. But that shouldn't prevent us from developing relationships outside of our life stage. Particularly within the church. What unites us is the most important thing in all of human history or existence – the gospel of Jesus Christ. Let our hospitality display God's grace in our lives, and point to the ultimate family reality that comes through adoption into God's family.

Links

I wanted to share some blog posts that I've read in the past week, but haven't really had the time to say much about them.  So here are some links with a brief quote from the post (along with a video):

When Hospitality and Hell-Fire Kiss

"Sarah and Lindsay both work in midtown Manhattan. Sarah is a Christian; Lindsay isn't. After several attempts to share Christ with Lindsay, Sarah simply invites Lindsay over to dinner, where she has many folks from her local church coming over for a meal and fellowship. Lindsay meets a handful of singles and a few married couples with kids. 

"She spends the evening eating and talking about life, which naturally leads to faith, since that's what everyone else shares in common. She witnesses thankfulness and hears about the providence of God in their lives. She sees how Christians interact with their friends, spouses, and kids. One single girl invites her to coffee, and another family invites her over for dinner, where a few other church members join her."

What Does Eating, Sleeping, and Exercise Have To Do with Sanctification? (HT: Vitamin Z)

(email/RSS subscribers may need to click through to view video)

How to Witness to Mormons

"There are basically two ways Christians witness to Mormons. One is to demolish Mormonism in an apologetic way, the other is to expose Mormonism in a theological way. The former deals with Mormon history, false prophecies, archaeology, DNA, etc. The latter deals with sin, repentance, atonement, the gospel, etc. 

"Most people take the first approach, but we, the Oasis ministry in Utah, take the second. The first may make many ex-Mormons, but it doesn't necessarily make believers. Actually, it can be counter-productive."

Join or Die?: Addressing the Question of Church Membership

"Church membership is a gift and a duty. It’s sort of like making your children eat their desert. Christ saves and sanctifies sinners in the church. Where else would we want to be?"

What Letter Would You Write to a Gay Son?

"I will not bring up your sin and the Gospel every time we meet, but I do want you to know where I stand right up front, and also that I’m willing to speak with you about the Gospel of Christ anytime you wish. 

"I hope you will not call this message hate. This is how love sounds."

This Momentary Marriage - Week 5

Some notes from chapter 8 of John Piper's This Momentary Marriage:

• Chapter 8: The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission
  • Scripture – 1 Peter 3:1-6; Colossians 3:18-19
  • Questions
    • Wives, if your husband loved, served, and led you with Christlike wisdom, humility, and grace, would you be able to submit to him?
    • How does 1 Peter 3:1-6 compare to Ephesians 5:22-24?
    • Are Christian women called to submit to all men like they are to their husband? Are they only called to submit to their husband if he is also a Christian?
    • What characteristics of Christian womanhood does Peter point out?
  • Notes & Quotes
    • Piper says, “I am very eager that men and women, single and married, old and young, hear this as a call to something strong and noble and beautiful and dignified and worthy of a woman’s highest spiritual and moral efforts.” (p. 95)
      • What do you think? Did he succeed?
    • Women are not called to submit to all men in the same way as they are to their husbands
    • Peter couches his call for a wife's submission to her husband in a larger context of Christian submission in various contexts.
      • 1 Peter 2:13-17 – Christian citizens are called to submit to human institutions – government, IRS, police, etc.
      • 1 Peter 2:18-25 – Christian servants are called to submit to their masters – similar to employees & bosses today
        • “not only to the good and gentle, but also to the unjust”
        • Based on the suffering, submissive example of Christ – v. 21-24
      • 1 Peter 3:1-6 – Christian wives are called to submit to their husbands – whether they are believers or unbelievers
      • 1 Peter 3:7 – Christian husbands called to live with their wives in an understanding manner, cherishing them as fellow heirs of the grace of life
      • 1 Peter 3:8-12 – Christians are called to unity & humility – to submit to and sere each other
      • “So, as we saw in Ephesians 5, submission is a wider Christian virtue for all of us to pursue, and it has its unique and fitting expressions in various relationships.” (p. 96)
    • Peter's portrait of womanhood shows us the deep strong roots of womanhood that yield the strong, beautiful fruit of submission.
      • 1 Peter 3:5 – “holy women who hoped in God” – Christian wives do not put their hope in their husbands, or in their looks or intelligence or creativity, but they put their hope in God and His promises
        • “She looks away from the troubles and miseries and obstacles of life that seem to make the future bleak, and she focuses her attention on the sovereign power and love of God who rules in heaven and does on earth whatever he pleases (Ps. 115:3). She knows her Bible, and she knows her theology of the sovereignty of God, and she knows his promise that he will be with her and will help her and strengthen her no matter what. This is the deep, unshakable root of Christian womanhood.” (p. 97)
      • 1 Peter 3:6 – That hope in God produces fearlessness
        • “The presence of hope in the invincible sovereignty of God drives out fear. Or to say it more carefully and realistically, the daughters of Sarah fight the anxiety that rises in their hearts. They wage war on fear, and they defeat it with hope in the promises of God.” (p. 97)
        • 2 Timothy 3:12; 1 Peter 3:14; 4:19
      • 1 Peter 3:3-5 – This hope in God the produces fearlessness ultimately gives her inner tranquility (“the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit”)
        • She focuses on the internal adornment of character rather than the external adornment of appearance
        • “Don’t focus your main attention and effort on how you look on the outside; focus it on the beauty that is inside. Exert more effort and be more concerned with inner beauty than outer beauty.” (p. 98)
      • And finally, this hope in God that produces a fearlessness in the face of whatever the future may bring and leads to an inner tranquility and meekness expresses itself in submissiveness to her husband
        • 1 Peter 3:1 - “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.”
        • 1 Peter 3:5 - “This is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.”
      • A summary look back at the portrait of Christian womanhood Peter has painted:
        • “Unshakable hope in God.
        • Courage and fearlessness in the face of the future.
        • Quiet tranquillity of soul.
        • Humble submission to her husband’s leadership.” (p. 99)
    • These distinct, complementary roles between husbands and wives are not cultural leftovers from an unenlightened society. As we've seen with marriage as a whole, so also the distinctive gender roles within marriage were part of God's creation design in Genesis 2. Adam was first created and given unique authority, responsibility, and stewardship, and Eve was created to be a helper fit or suitable for him.
    • Our culture – sometimes even in the Church – denies, distorts, and misuses the different and complementary roles of husbands and wives.
    • “But the truth of headship and submission is really here and really beautiful. When you see it lived out with the mark of Christ’s majesty on it—the mutuality of servanthood without canceling the reality of headship and submission—it is a wonderful and deeply satisfying drama.” (p. 99)
    • Six things submission is not:
      • 1) It's not agreeing with everything your husband says
        • In 1 Peter 3:1 Peter accounts for Christian wives with unbelieving husbands – they inevitably have different ideas of reality, or worldviews
        • Clearly the wife is not called to discard the Christian worldview
      • 2) It's not leaving your brain or will at the marriage altar
        • Apparently both the husband and wife heard the gospel, but responded in different ways – the woman thought for herself and trusted Christ
        • Again, clearly the wife is not called to retreat from her commitment to Christ
      • 3) It's not avoiding every effort to change your husband
        • Submission is sometimes actually a strategy for changing him
      • 4) It's not putting the husband's will above Christ's
        • “Submission to Jesus relativizes submission to husbands—and governments and employers and parents.” (p. 100)
      • 5) It doesn't mean the wife gets spiritual strength primarily from her husband
        • A good, believing husband should be a source of this strength
        • Even without the husband's spiritual leadership, the wife may be strengthened in faith & virtue & character – this is not from her husband, but for her husband – that he, too, may come to faith
      • 6) It's not acting out of fear
        • Submission is free, not coerced
    • What submission is
      • Piper's definition, repeated from chapter 6
        • “submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.” (p. 101)
      • The attitude of submission says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish in the relationship when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.” (p. 101)
      • What does submission mean when a husband is leading his wife into sin?
        • It says, “It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want to take me with you. You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond joyfully to your lead; but I can’t follow you into sin, as much as I love to honor your leadership in our marriage. Christ is my King.” (p. 102)
      • A wife can & should “submissively” & humbly share their concerns about their husband's leadership
      • How/why can disagreement and sharing concerns over a husband's leadership be an act of submission?
        • 1) Husbands are fallible (unlike Christ) and ought to admit it
        • 2) Husbands should want their wives to be excited & willingly follow their leadership, not begrudgingly (as the Church should follow Christ)
        • 3) It can be done in a way that endorses leadership & affirms headship
        • 4) Even after questioning & discussion, if there's still disagreement, the wife can still defer to the husband's decision
    • “So I end this chapter with the reminder that marriage is not mainly about staying in love. It’s about covenant-keeping. And the main reason it is about covenant-keeping is that God designed the relationship between a husband and his wife to represent the relationship between Christ and the church. This is the deepest meaning of marriage. And that is why ultimately the roles of headship and submission are so important. If our marriages are going to tell the truth about Christ and his church, we cannot be indifferent to the meaning of headship and submission. And let it not go unsaid that God’s purpose for the church—and for the Christian wife who represents it—is her everlasting, holy joy. Christ died for her to bring that about.” (p. 102-103)