- Chapter 9: Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters
- Scripture – Isaiah 56:1-7
- Notes & Quotes
- “Why is there a chapter on singleness in a book on marriage?” (p. 105)
- 1) To keep us from idolizing marriage
- The point has been made time & time again that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Anytime you emphasize & repeat something as glorious as that, it lends itself to idolizing that thing – turning a good thing into an idol
- We need to remember that Christ is who we should worship, not marriage or our spouse
- 2) To show single readers a fuller picture of how singleness & marriage relate to each other and God's purposes
- 3) To motivate single & married people to be part of the family of God that Christ died to create & which will endure forever
- Main point of this chapter: “God promises those who remain single in Christ blessings that are better than the blessings of marriage and children” (p. 106)
- What truths shine more brightly through singleness than through marriage?
- 1) The family of God grows by regeneration through faith in Christ, not by sexual reproduction
- 2) Relationships in Christ are more permanent & precious than relationships in families
- 3) Marriage is temporary & gives way to the reality it displays & points to
- 4) Faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life – the relationship to Christ is ultimate & doesn't require marriage or children
- Rephrasing of main point: “God promises spectacular blessings to those of you who remain single in Christ, and he gives you an extraordinary calling for your life. To be single in Christ is, therefore, not a falling short of God’s best, but a path of Christ-exalting, covenant-keeping obedience that many are called to walk.” (p. 106-107)
- Throughout most of the history of God's people, physical offspring was a huge part of God's promises & fulfillment. Consider:
- God's promise to Adam & Eve of a son who would crush the serpent's head
- God's promise to Abraham & Sarah of natural born offspring that would outnumber the dust of the earth
- God's promise that it would be through Isaac that Abraham's offspring would be reckoned (as opposed to Eliezer of Damascus, possibly Abraham's slave, not his nephew Lot, not Ishmael)
- God becomes known as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
- Israel becomes identified by tribes named after Jacob's sons, all the way down to the point where the apostle Paul says he could boast of being a Benjaminite.
- The promise to David that his throne would be established forever. From this kingly line Christ Himself was born.
- Physical offspring had everything to do with inheritance and legacy and perpetuating the family name
- Levirate marriage – where a man would marry his deceased brother's wife and their first son would take the name of the deceased brother
- Deuteronomy 25:6: “The first son whom she bears shall succeed to the name of his dead brother, that his name may not be blotted out of Israel.”
- Boaz married Ruth to preserve the name/line of Elimilech & Mahlon (Ruth 4:10)
- Yet in Isaiah, God's promise is even “without marriage and without children, these covenant-keeping eunuchs get a name and a memorial better than sons and daughters.” (p. 109)
- “Where did this amazing promise come from? What’s the basis of it, and what is it pointing toward?” (p. 109)
- Isaiah 53 – the suffering servant “shall see his offspring”
- “Here is a great prophecy: When the Messiah dies as “an offering for guilt” and rises again to “prolong his days” forever, he will by that great saving act produce many children: He will “see his offspring.” In other words, the new people of God formed by the Messiah will not be formed by physical procreation but by the atoning death of Christ.” (p. 109)
- How does the New Testament speak to this promise, this change from physical offspring to spiritual offspring?
- Jesus – John 3:3 – “unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God”
- Paul – Galatians 3:7,26 – “Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham. . . . in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith.”
- Peter – 1 Peter 1:3-4 – “According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you”
- John – John 1:12-13 – “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”
- “Children are born into God’s family and receive their inheritance not by marriage and procreation but by faith and regeneration. Which means that single people in Christ have zero disadvantage in bearing children for God and may, in some ways, have a great advantage.” (p. 110)
- 1 Corinthians 4:15 – Paul was not married, but was a great father
- You can be a great father or mother and never be married or get pregnant
- Marriage & family are temporary & secondary compared to the eternal & primary nature of the Church
- “being in a human family is no sign of eternal blessing, but being in God’s family means being eternally blessed.” (p. 111)
- Temporal relationships are not primary – consider Matthew 12:48-49; Matthew 22:30; Luke 11:27-28; Mark 10:29-30
- “Single person, married person, do you want children, mothers, brothers, sisters, lands? Renounce the primacy of your natural relationships, and follow Jesus into the fellowship of the people of God.” (p. 112)
- In college, my best friend and I were both skinny, blond, Scandinavians, and a lot of people confused us for each other and a lot asked if we were brothers. Most of the time we'd just laugh and say no. It wasn't until after college that I started to really learn about what it means that the Church is the Body of Christ, and the family of God. I wish I could go back to college and confirm to everyone who asked that yes, we are brothers. Blood brothers. We were both redeemed and adopted because of the blood of Christ.
- “Jesus approves some of his followers’ renouncing marriage and sexual activity for the sake of serving Christ’s kingdom.” – Matthew 19:12; 1 Corinthians 7:8, 32-33, 35
- “Someone might ask, wouldn’t it be better to have both—the blessings of marriage and the blessings of heaven? There are two answers to that question. One is that you will find out someday, and better to learn it now, that the blessings of being with Christ in heaven are so far superior to the blessings of being married and raising children that asking this question will be like asking, wouldn’t it be better to have the ocean and also the thimbleful? But that’s not the answer you wanted. So here is another one: Marriage and singleness both present us with unique trials and unique opportunities for our sanctification—our preparation for heaven. There will be unique rewards for each. Which is greater will not depend on whether you were married or single, but on how you responded to each.” (p. 113)
- Four truths that shine brighter through singleness than marriage (repeated from earlier in the chapter):
- 1) “the family of God grows not by propagation through sexual intercourse, but by regeneration through faith in Christ” (p. 113)
- 2) “relationships in Christ are more permanent, and more precious, than relationships in families” (p. 113)
- 3) “marriage is temporary and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church—the way a picture is no longer needed when you see face-to-face” (p. 114)
- 4) “faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life; all other relationships get their final significance from this. No family relationship is ultimate; relationship to Christ is.” (p. 114)
- “Marriage has its unique potential for magnifying Christ that singleness does not have. Singleness has its unique potential for magnifying Christ that marriage does not have. To God be glory in the Christ-exalting drama of marriage and in the Christ-exalting drama of the single life.” (p. 114)
- Chapter 10: Singleness, Marriage, and the Christian Virtue of Hospitality
- Scripture – 1 Peter 4:7-11
- Questions
- Why does a chapter on singleness talk about sex?
- How many single friends (or neighbors, co-workers, relatives) do you & your spouse have?
- What do you think of when you think of stewardship? Do you ever think of stewarding God's grace?
- Notes & Quotes
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer – “The physical presence of other Christians is a source of incomparable joy and strength to the believer. . . . The prisoner, the sick person, the Christian in exile sees in the companionship of a fellow Christian a physical sign of the gracious presence of the triune God. Visitor and visited in loneliness recognize in each other the Christ who is present in the body; they receive and meet each other as one meets the Lord, in reverence, humility, and joy. . . . It is true, of course that what is an unspeakable gift of God for the lonely individual is easily disregarded and trodden under foot by those who have the gift every day.” (quoted on p. 116)
- Christ is magnified by married and single people serving each other
- Why didn't God just create us as angels to praise Him & not be able to speak to each other? Why didn't He create us to only have a relationship with Him and no one else? Why did He create the physical world?
- “God made bodies and material things because when they are rightly seen and rightly used, God’s glory is more fully known and displayed. The heavens are telling the glory of God (Ps. 19:1). That’s why the physical universe exists.” (p. 119)
- Consider also: Matthew 6:26-28; Romans 1:20; Ephesians 5:23-25; 1 Corinthians 10:31; 1 Corinthians 11:26
- “The material world is not an end in itself; it is designed to display God’s glory and to awaken our hearts to know him and value him more.” (p. 119)
- Good gifts from God are not to be idolized, but to be used for our good & joy in ways that worship Christ and make much of Him – sex, food, all of creation is good, but it is not God, it is not to be worshiped above the Creator
- We don't solve the idolatry of sex & food by mere avoidance
- Am I crazy to suggest that as if we ignore & avoid food, we will die, that so in our marriages if we ignore & avoid sex, our marriages will suffer?
- “We make sex holy by using it according to the word of God in Christ-dependent prayer.” (p. 120)
- Like everything else God created, marriage & singleness are both designed, not to be worshiped, but to display the glory of Christ
- “Marriage and celibacy can be idolatrous. Spouses can worship each other or worship sex or worship their children or worship double-income-no-kid buying power. Singles can worship autonomy and independence. Singles can look on marriage as a second-class Christian compromise with the sexual drive. Married people can look upon singleness as a mark of immaturity or irresponsibility or incompetence.” (p. 120)
- There are Christ-exalting ways to be married & single.
- 1 Corinthians 7:9 – when a man marries, “he takes his sexual desire, and he does the same thing with it that we must all do with all our physical desires if we would make them means of worship:” (p. 121)
- 1) “he brings it into conformity to God’s word” (p. 121)
- 2) “he subordinates it to a higher pattern of love and care” (p. 121)
- 3) “he transposes the music of physical pleasure into the music of spiritual worship” (p. 121)
- 4) “he listens for the echoes of God’s goodness in every nerve” (p. 121)
- 5) “he seeks to double his pleasure by making her joy his joy” (p. 121)
- 6) “he gives thanks to God from the bottom of his heart because he knows and he feels that he never deserved one minute of this pleasure.” (p. 121)
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- Verse 7 – We are in the last days and Christ could return at any time.
- So seek Him in the Word, in prayer, in His body – the church, so that when He comes He will not be a stranger
- Seek His grace & mercy & strength to endure these last days
- Verse 8 – There is tremendous stress in the last days
- Will this stress ruin our relationships or will we remain firm in love, exhibited in forbearance and forgiveness?
- Verse 9 – “Love covers much of what makes us grumble. So hospitality without grumbling is the calling of Christians in the last days. In the very days when your stress is high, and there are sins that need covering, and reasons to grumble abound—in those very days, Peter says, what we need to do is practice hospitality.” (p. 122)
- Because God has opened His heart to us, we can have open hearts and open our doors to others in hospitality
- Verse 10 – “... serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”
- We usually think of stewardship in terms of money; and maybe secondarily in terms of time.
- But we are called to be stewards of God's grace – indeed, all we have, our money, possessions, time, abilities, etc., are all gifts of God
- This flows naturally from the concept Piper introduced in chapter 3 – of receiving God's grace (vertically) and bending it out towards others (horizontally)
- “Every Christian is a steward—a custodian, a manager, a warden, a distributor, a servant—of God’s varied grace.” (p. 122-123)
- Hospitality is an example of stewardship of time & possessions
- “If you are afraid of hospitality—that you don’t have much personal strength or personal wealth—good. Then you won’t intimidate anybody. You will depend all the more on God’s grace. You will look all the more to the work of Christ and not your own work. And what a blessing people will get in your simple home or your little apartment.” (p. 123)
- Piper's definition: “the Christian virtue of hospitality—a Christ-exalting strategy of love in the last days.” (p. 123)
- Applications
- 1) For everyone – “If you belong to Christ, if you have by faith received his saving hospitality, which he paid for with his own blood, then extend this hospitality to others. Romans 15:7: “Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” You live on free grace every day. Be a good steward of it in hospitality.” (p 123)
- 2) For married couples – include single people in your hospitality, of all ages & types – never married, divorced, widowed, young & old, friends, family, co-workers, brothers & sisters in Christ
- When including younger people in particular, this can be a great opportunity for discipleship – to show them to some measure what a Christian marriage/family looks like
- 3) For single people – include married couples & families in your hospitality
- Life Groups in general are set up to bring people together around a similar life stage, which is good. But that shouldn't prevent us from developing relationships outside of our life stage. Particularly within the church. What unites us is the most important thing in all of human history or existence – the gospel of Jesus Christ. Let our hospitality display God's grace in our lives, and point to the ultimate family reality that comes through adoption into God's family.
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