This Momentary Marriage - Week 7

Here are some notes for this week's study of chapter 11 on Faith and Sex from John Piper's This Momentary Marriage:

• Chapter 11: Faith and Sex in Marriage
  • Scripture – Hebrews 13:4-5
  • Questions
    • How can sex proceed from faith? How does faith impact sex in marriage?
    • How can the love of money be like the love of sex?
  • Notes & Quotes
    • Dietrich Bonhoeffer: “Even our bodies belong to Christ and have their part in the life of discipleship, for they are members of his Body.” (quoted on p. 126)
    • “God did not make this massive capacity for pleasure merely to make sure there would be a new generation.” (p. 127)
    • “the ultimate meaning of marital sex is about the final delights between Christ and his church.” (p. 127)
    • “Just as the heavens are telling the glory of God’s power and beauty, so sexual climax is telling the glory of immeasurable delights that we will have with Christ in the age to come.” (p. 128)
    • We cannot imagine the eternal pleasures that David speaks of in Psalm 16:11 any more than a toddler can imagine the pleasures of sex
    • 1 Timothy 4:1-3
    • “Woe to me if I do not celebrate the gift of sex in marriage.” (p. 128)
    • In marriage, “We are commanded to enjoy each other’s bodies.” (p. 128)
      • Proverbs 5:18-19; Song of Solomon 1:2
    • Sex in marriage is the private scenes of the drama of Christ and the Church, meant to be witnessed only by the spouses, and God
    • Money & sex are two big trouble spots in many marriages, as power & pleasure are pursued in relation to both
    • Anything that does not come from faith is sin (see Romans 14:23)
    • “Guard sexual relations in marriage by not doing anything that does not come from faith.” (p. 129)
    • How does faith produce sexual attitudes & actions that are not sin?
    • “God has made such comforting, reassuring, hope-inspiring promises in his Word ... that if we have faith in these promises, we will be content. And contentment is the antidote to the love of money and the antidote for all sexual sin.” (p. 130)
    • “Sin is what you feel and think and do when you are not taking God at his word and resting in his promises. So the command of Hebrews 13:4 can be stated like this: Let your sexual relations be free from any act or attitude that does not come from faith in God’s word. Or to put it positively: Have those attitudes and do those acts in your marital sexual relations that grow out of the contentment that comes from confidence in God’s promises.” (p. 130)
    • “If I am content through faith in God’s promises, why should I even seek sexual gratification at all?” (p. 130)
      • 1) Maybe you shouldn't seek it, but should stay single (see chapter 9)
      • 2) “The contentment of faith does not take [sexual appetite] away any more than it takes away hunger and weariness.”
    • “What ... does contentment mean in relation to ongoing sexual desire?” (p. 130)
      • 1) If the desire is denied by remaining single, God will provide an added measure of help & fellowship through faith in Him and His promises
        • Philippians 4:11-13
        • “If Paul could learn to be content in hunger, then we can learn to be content if God chooses not to give us sexual gratification.” (p. 130)
      • 2) If that desire is offered to us in marriage, we will seek it and enjoy it only in ways that reflect our faith in God and His promises.
        • “while the contentment of faith does not put an end to our hunger, weariness, or sexual appetite, it does transform the way we go about satisfying those desires.” (p. 131)
        • “Faith doesn’t stop us from eating, but it stops gluttony; it doesn’t stop sleep, but it keeps us from being a sluggard. It doesn’t stop sexual appetite but . . . But what?” (p. 131)
    • If faith doesn't stop or take away our sex drive, what does it do?
      • 1) “faith honors the body and its appetites as God’s good gifts.” (p. 131)
        • 1 Timothy 4:4-5
        • Sex that proceeds from faith is not dirty within marriage
      • 2) Faith frees us from the guilt of the past and increases the joy of sex in marriage
        • “All of us have committed sins that, though forgiven, make our present life more problematic than if we hadn’t committed them.” (p. 132)
        • “But I don’t want to give the impression that Christ is powerless against such scars. He may not remove all the problems that these scars cause us, but he has promised to work even in all these problems for our good if we love him and are called according to his purpose (Rom. 8:28).” (p. 132)
        • “Christ died not only that in him we might have guilt-free sexual relations in marriage, but also that he might then, even through our scars, convey to us some spiritual good.” (p. 132)
      • 3) “faith uses sex against Satan.” (p. 133)
        • 1 Corinthians 7:3-5; Ephesians 6:16
        • “Do we guard ourselves from Satan with the shield of faith or the shield of sex?” (p. 133)
        • “The answer for married people is that faith makes use of sexual intercourse as a means of grace. For the people God leads into marriage, sexual relations are a God-ordained means of overcoming temptation to sin (the sin of adultery, the sin of sexual fantasizing, the sin of pornography). Faith humbly accepts such gifts and offers thanks.” (p. 133)
    • Important point in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 – Paul “does not encourage the husband or wife who wants sexual gratification to seize it without concern for the other’s needs. Instead, he urges both husband and wife to always be ready to give his or her body when the other wants it.” (p. 133-134)
    • “If it is the joy of each to make the other happy, a hundred problems will be solved before they happen.” (p. 134)
      • In this way, sex is like a microcosm of the marriage as a whole – finding joy in making your spouse happy
    • “Husbands, if it is your joy to bring her satisfaction, you will be sensitive to what she needs and wants. … you will find in the long run that it is more blessed to give than to receive.” (p. 134)
    • “The goal is to outdo one another in giving what the other wants (Rom. 12:10). Both of you, make it your aim to satisfy each other as fully as possible.” (p. 134)
    • Questions to think about as to whether our marriage bed is undefiled – if our sex proceeds from our faith:
      • “Does what I am feeling or doing have its roots in the contentment of faith or in the anxious insecurity of unbelief?” (p. 135)
      • “Do my cravings conform to the contentment of faith or contradict it?” (p. 135)
        • These questions apply to all of life
    • “the impact of faith on three aspects of sexual relations in marriage.” (p. 135)
      • 1) “faith believes God when he says that sexual relations in marriage are good and clean and should be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth.” (p. 135)
      • 2) “faith increases the joy of sexual relations in marriage because it frees us from the guilt of the past. Faith believes the promise that Christ died for all our sins, that in him we might have guilt-free, Christ-exalting sexual relations in marriage.” (p. 135)
      • 3) “faith wields the weapon of sexual intercourse against Satan. A married couple gives a severe blow to the head of that ancient serpent when they aim to give as much sexual satisfaction to each other as possible. Is it not a mark of amazing grace that on top of all the pleasure that the sexual side of marriage brings, it also proves to be a fearsome weapon against our ancient foe?” (p. 135)
    • “Marriage at its exquisite peak of pleasure speaks powerfully the truth of covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. And that love is the most powerful force in the world. It is not surprising then that Satan’s defeat, Christ’s glory, and our pleasure should come together in this undefiled marriage bed.” (p. 135)