This Momentary Marriage - Week 5

Some notes from chapter 8 of John Piper's This Momentary Marriage:

• Chapter 8: The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission
  • Scripture – 1 Peter 3:1-6; Colossians 3:18-19
  • Questions
    • Wives, if your husband loved, served, and led you with Christlike wisdom, humility, and grace, would you be able to submit to him?
    • How does 1 Peter 3:1-6 compare to Ephesians 5:22-24?
    • Are Christian women called to submit to all men like they are to their husband? Are they only called to submit to their husband if he is also a Christian?
    • What characteristics of Christian womanhood does Peter point out?
  • Notes & Quotes
    • Piper says, “I am very eager that men and women, single and married, old and young, hear this as a call to something strong and noble and beautiful and dignified and worthy of a woman’s highest spiritual and moral efforts.” (p. 95)
      • What do you think? Did he succeed?
    • Women are not called to submit to all men in the same way as they are to their husbands
    • Peter couches his call for a wife's submission to her husband in a larger context of Christian submission in various contexts.
      • 1 Peter 2:13-17 – Christian citizens are called to submit to human institutions – government, IRS, police, etc.
      • 1 Peter 2:18-25 – Christian servants are called to submit to their masters – similar to employees & bosses today
        • “not only to the good and gentle, but also to the unjust”
        • Based on the suffering, submissive example of Christ – v. 21-24
      • 1 Peter 3:1-6 – Christian wives are called to submit to their husbands – whether they are believers or unbelievers
      • 1 Peter 3:7 – Christian husbands called to live with their wives in an understanding manner, cherishing them as fellow heirs of the grace of life
      • 1 Peter 3:8-12 – Christians are called to unity & humility – to submit to and sere each other
      • “So, as we saw in Ephesians 5, submission is a wider Christian virtue for all of us to pursue, and it has its unique and fitting expressions in various relationships.” (p. 96)
    • Peter's portrait of womanhood shows us the deep strong roots of womanhood that yield the strong, beautiful fruit of submission.
      • 1 Peter 3:5 – “holy women who hoped in God” – Christian wives do not put their hope in their husbands, or in their looks or intelligence or creativity, but they put their hope in God and His promises
        • “She looks away from the troubles and miseries and obstacles of life that seem to make the future bleak, and she focuses her attention on the sovereign power and love of God who rules in heaven and does on earth whatever he pleases (Ps. 115:3). She knows her Bible, and she knows her theology of the sovereignty of God, and she knows his promise that he will be with her and will help her and strengthen her no matter what. This is the deep, unshakable root of Christian womanhood.” (p. 97)
      • 1 Peter 3:6 – That hope in God produces fearlessness
        • “The presence of hope in the invincible sovereignty of God drives out fear. Or to say it more carefully and realistically, the daughters of Sarah fight the anxiety that rises in their hearts. They wage war on fear, and they defeat it with hope in the promises of God.” (p. 97)
        • 2 Timothy 3:12; 1 Peter 3:14; 4:19
      • 1 Peter 3:3-5 – This hope in God the produces fearlessness ultimately gives her inner tranquility (“the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit”)
        • She focuses on the internal adornment of character rather than the external adornment of appearance
        • “Don’t focus your main attention and effort on how you look on the outside; focus it on the beauty that is inside. Exert more effort and be more concerned with inner beauty than outer beauty.” (p. 98)
      • And finally, this hope in God that produces a fearlessness in the face of whatever the future may bring and leads to an inner tranquility and meekness expresses itself in submissiveness to her husband
        • 1 Peter 3:1 - “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.”
        • 1 Peter 3:5 - “This is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.”
      • A summary look back at the portrait of Christian womanhood Peter has painted:
        • “Unshakable hope in God.
        • Courage and fearlessness in the face of the future.
        • Quiet tranquillity of soul.
        • Humble submission to her husband’s leadership.” (p. 99)
    • These distinct, complementary roles between husbands and wives are not cultural leftovers from an unenlightened society. As we've seen with marriage as a whole, so also the distinctive gender roles within marriage were part of God's creation design in Genesis 2. Adam was first created and given unique authority, responsibility, and stewardship, and Eve was created to be a helper fit or suitable for him.
    • Our culture – sometimes even in the Church – denies, distorts, and misuses the different and complementary roles of husbands and wives.
    • “But the truth of headship and submission is really here and really beautiful. When you see it lived out with the mark of Christ’s majesty on it—the mutuality of servanthood without canceling the reality of headship and submission—it is a wonderful and deeply satisfying drama.” (p. 99)
    • Six things submission is not:
      • 1) It's not agreeing with everything your husband says
        • In 1 Peter 3:1 Peter accounts for Christian wives with unbelieving husbands – they inevitably have different ideas of reality, or worldviews
        • Clearly the wife is not called to discard the Christian worldview
      • 2) It's not leaving your brain or will at the marriage altar
        • Apparently both the husband and wife heard the gospel, but responded in different ways – the woman thought for herself and trusted Christ
        • Again, clearly the wife is not called to retreat from her commitment to Christ
      • 3) It's not avoiding every effort to change your husband
        • Submission is sometimes actually a strategy for changing him
      • 4) It's not putting the husband's will above Christ's
        • “Submission to Jesus relativizes submission to husbands—and governments and employers and parents.” (p. 100)
      • 5) It doesn't mean the wife gets spiritual strength primarily from her husband
        • A good, believing husband should be a source of this strength
        • Even without the husband's spiritual leadership, the wife may be strengthened in faith & virtue & character – this is not from her husband, but for her husband – that he, too, may come to faith
      • 6) It's not acting out of fear
        • Submission is free, not coerced
    • What submission is
      • Piper's definition, repeated from chapter 6
        • “submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.” (p. 101)
      • The attitude of submission says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish in the relationship when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.” (p. 101)
      • What does submission mean when a husband is leading his wife into sin?
        • It says, “It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want to take me with you. You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond joyfully to your lead; but I can’t follow you into sin, as much as I love to honor your leadership in our marriage. Christ is my King.” (p. 102)
      • A wife can & should “submissively” & humbly share their concerns about their husband's leadership
      • How/why can disagreement and sharing concerns over a husband's leadership be an act of submission?
        • 1) Husbands are fallible (unlike Christ) and ought to admit it
        • 2) Husbands should want their wives to be excited & willingly follow their leadership, not begrudgingly (as the Church should follow Christ)
        • 3) It can be done in a way that endorses leadership & affirms headship
        • 4) Even after questioning & discussion, if there's still disagreement, the wife can still defer to the husband's decision
    • “So I end this chapter with the reminder that marriage is not mainly about staying in love. It’s about covenant-keeping. And the main reason it is about covenant-keeping is that God designed the relationship between a husband and his wife to represent the relationship between Christ and the church. This is the deepest meaning of marriage. And that is why ultimately the roles of headship and submission are so important. If our marriages are going to tell the truth about Christ and his church, we cannot be indifferent to the meaning of headship and submission. And let it not go unsaid that God’s purpose for the church—and for the Christian wife who represents it—is her everlasting, holy joy. Christ died for her to bring that about.” (p. 102-103)